Thursday Randomness III: Lists

The idea of the random, humorous list is not unique, but I'll take a stab at it. And if I don't get it right, I'll stab it again, and again, and again, and again . . . .

List: The Worst Almost-Compliments You Can Give to a Girl
1. You smell so much better today!
2. Nice posture.
3. Your hair covers it so well!
4. I wish I had such strong, thick arms.
5. It doesn't look so big from here . . .
6. You have such a nice wide smile!
7. Wow, most people have trouble getting so much make-up to go on smoothly.


List: Actual Colors of Paint that Could Be Smoothy Flavors
1. Interactive Cream
2. Butternut (I didn't say good smoothy flavors)
3. Compatible Cream
4. Frangipane
5. Honey Blush
6. Osage Orange
7. Flattering Peach

Thursday Randomness II: Things I can't explain

Some of these things are things that I can't explain and they make me angry. Some things are things that I'm passively curious about. For the angry ones, imagine me as an angry, whithered old man on my front porch with my fisherman's hat on and my pants (with both belt and suspenders) firmly fixed to the bottom of my sternum. For the non-angry, imagine the word, "Meh," and a shrug finishing every point.

1) The word "read" and "read" are two completely different words, spelled the same. For example, the sentence "I read that paper ________." Insert, "every day." And then insert, "last week." Not only does it change the time reference of the sentence, but you pronounce the same word completely differently! What's up with that?! "I red . . . " versus "I reed." Obviously the difference is the amount of phonetic letter e's that we can fit into our words. I want at least two in my name.

2) My iPod shuffles through more than 5,000 songs, and yet I listen to the song "Old Man River" from the musical Show Boat at least once a day, and sometimes twice daily, while I have probably hundreds of songs that haven't seen the light of my ear drums for quite a while. What's up with that?

3) (Here's an angry one!) How did the movie Wild Hogs make any money? I was subjected to this movie on an airplane (the visual only, since I didn't want to shell out $5 for headphones to listen to the audio when I can just as easy spend that money on an ice pick to shove into my brain). It has come to my attention that the movie made about $238 million (I wish to an absurd degree that I was kidding). And since we're thinking about Tim Allen, why are they re-releasing his movie The Santa Clause again and calling it Fred Claus only with a different cast and not funny jokes?

I feel this topic, things I can't explain, needs further, deeper analysis, maybe even a recurring spot . . . perhaps it's own after-school special.

"Peninsula of death!" or "Rich Writes a Random Introduction to Some Random Things"

The following is a true story that I just made up that clearly illustrates a specific point that I can't quite explain and actually don't really believe too strongly in: In 1966, a plane crashed on a desert peninsula completely stranding the survivors. The following people were spared: a doctor, an OB/GYN, his wife and their two, creepy twin daughters, the young farmer and his pregnant wife, the gorilla who knew sign language, the 94-year-old co-pilot, a millionaire and his wife (though the economic recession put their total net worth at just under nine-hundred-thousand dollars), the mayor of San Diego and her husband, Kevin Bacon, and the teenager who would grow up to be the next Hitler but only after discovering the cure for pancreatic cancer. They only had enough food to last them for two weeks and the millionaire's wife had a pretty strong feeling that the rescuers wouldn't arrive for three weeks. What did the suvivors decide to do and who, besides Kevin Bacon, did theydecided to hurl into the volcano that I forgot to mention was also on the peninsula?



Scroll down for answer:

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The answer: They decided to 1) try to come up with the most random introduction to a blog they hadn't written for several weeks and 2) they stood on a block of ice and when the ice melted, they died. And 3) e-mail this to 10 friends in the next 10 minutes for good luck or your hair will turn into turkey drippings!!!!!! ITS TRU !!!! IT HAPN'D 2 MY CUSIN JAMIEY!!!!! lol :p



It's been a while since I've written anything. I've had a lot of good, important things to do, so I can't say that I feel that bad (who else was going make sure those DVD's of the Simpsons seasons 4 and 6 got watched?!). When I sat down to try and write something, all of the sudden, a whole bunch of extremely random topics just kind of came spurting out. I'm going to write about as many as I have time for (I still owe you, yes, you - the world in general, that thing about capitalism in action and modern dance). And since they are pretty random, I thought I'd try to put them under their own headings.


But since some people are actually interested in the real-life things that I do, (Hi, Mom!), my last two weeks were basically filled up with . . .




- BYU Ballroom Dancesport Nov. 9-10. I competed in two events, Amateur Standard and Amateur Smooth (ask me later if you don't know what that means) and did, ok (an unofficial 7th place in the one, and 3rd place in the second). My beginning ballroom classes that I teach did really well (I had two couples in a final and one tie for second). This was a cool event. If you're in Provo in March, there'll be another competition that I recommend coming to. (That picture is really me, by the way, my partner, Callie, looking pretty amazing, actually).



- Tests. Many tests occurred: tests of endurance, moral fiber, and character, but more specifically of biochemistry, organic chemistry, physics, and philosophy (grades: Physics - B+ (89%), Moral Fiber - C+ (78% - you can do better than this see, me after class!)). The last four tests all occurred in a 36 hour period, three actually happening on the same day. I don't recommend that. I spent 6 straight in the testing center. I'm surprised that didn't mess me up more than it did honestly . . . C'est la vie (literally, "Whatever, bro")



So enjoy the random-ocity that will follow in these next posts and whatnot. Should be good and all that.

Funny Things People Said in Church (and other stuff I want to get around to writing)

There are a couple of topics that I actually have felt motivated to write about. Unfortunately, my occasionally motivation is in constant competition with my natural underlying laziness. Some of these topics are of a more serious nature and while I want to write about 'em, I think I might take a long time, formulate my thoughts carefully, blah, blah, and take a long time. So, as a preview (but mostly so I don't forget), here are some things I want to write about:

- "Capitalism, Fairness and Modern Dance: A Ballroom Dancer's Response" - The title really sounds like it can to anywhere doesn't it . . . ? This week I was at a luncheon where a variety of students from all of BYU's dance programs (ballet, modern, folk, and ballroom) met with an internal study group to answer questions and voice concerns. I was interested to hear some of the major concerns from some of the modern dancers. Some of the things that they were concerned about (having performance opportunities, funding and scholarships) are things that are quite common place in the BYU Ballroom dance program. Anyway, I kind of wanted to talk about that a little. I know that few of you will care at all about the specifics, but it is actually kind of an interesting example of capitalism in action. . . Stay tuned. I'm pretty sure I'm going to write this one.

- "School Vouchers: A Well-intentioned, but Misguided Effort to Reform the Public School System," or "School Vouchers: The Evil Spawned of Darkness that Will Cover the Earth in a Sea of Blood." No matter which title you prefer, I don't think that school vouchers are a good idea, and I (might) tell you why. If I get around to it.

- "Funny Things People Said in Church." Continuing the fine tradition of overheard lines, I thought it would be fun to include an often up-datable featurette about things that people say in church (whether or not they are intentional) that make everyone sit up and go "what?"

Today's installment of "Funny Things People Said in [Stake Conference]/CES Fireside":
- A girl recounting her conversion story, from being a disaffected Catholic: "I looked into a bunch of things. I looked into Harri Krishna. Not that I would have become Harri Krishna. But I was vegan at the time. Mostly because it was really great food."

- Elder Oaks' wife Kristin during tonight's CES fireside. "I was single for fifty-three years. It felt like a world record."
- Elder Oaks during tonights CES fireside: "I just want to say that I'm proud to be here tonight with a world-record holder."