More daily inspirational calendar

This week, the author discovered a wad of papers folded up and propped underneath a desk leg to keep it from wobbling. Replacing the wad with a small pamphlet that was on hand ("The A-B-C's of Table Leg Repair"), the author read the papers and was pleased to discover more inspirational quotes which he will now share, forceably if necessary, with everyone:
August 30th
"Life is like a box of chocolates: the more money went into providing it, the more likely that each and every possibility it provides will be terrific." - Jonas Lancaster, warden at the Rochester Correctional Facility

October 9th
"If I were a magic mirror, I think I would get tired of people saying, 'You need to pause for some personal reflection,' just to be funny. But I would probably laugh politely, you know, so they don't smash me." - Daryl Stovens, Sanitation Director, West Elkridge High School


October 12th
"There is nothing cuter than a puppy trying to run on ice. Also, there is nothing sadder than a puppy trying to run on ice. I suppose that the wolves rushing in to attack the puppy kind of affect the situation somewhat." - Byron Handy, former wildlife documentarian

October 23rd
"Hardly a day goes by where the earth doesn't rotate 360 degrees on it's axis." - Dean Matthis, CEO, 'Dean Matthis Ironic Coffee Cups'

October 24th
"Every now and then I like to let my hair down. Of course, then I have to remember where I put the box I keep it in. And then my wife complains about the mess. And did you know that hair salons don't like you to bring your own broom and dust pan?"- Stephen Moss, 2 time winner, Unintentionally Creepiest Man in Iowa City 1989-1990

October 25th
"Never take everything literally. You get in trouble from your boss for burning the midnight oil and the song, "I Left My Heart in San Fransisco," will just creep you right the heck out." - Janet Dufrain, photographer, Dolphin World Monthly magazine

Your Daily Inspirational Calendar

Recently discovered in an old, navy trunk in the attice, buried (ironically) under some Old Navy sweaters was a daily calendar containing inspirational quotes from a slew of famous and not so famous people. Presented for your edification and machination:

August 20
"Often I'm asked if we could be doing more to help the poor in this bluntry. At least, that's what they seem to be saying, as I try to read their lips through the window on my 1.9 million dollar corporate limosine. I don't know what a 'bluntry' is. So my answer is, 'I don't know. I just don't know.'" - E. Neville Isdell, president Coca-Cola

August 24
"Hardly a day goes by that I don't say to myself, 'Yes, I was born in a log cabin. Can't we just get past that? I'd like to think I've done one or two good things since then!' And then I go on quietly about my business." - Abraham Lincoln

August 25
"Noah Webster didn't know the meaning of the word defeat. Which is even further evidence that Cambridge University publishes a much more reliable dictionary." - Professor James Edington, Dean of the English department, Cambridge University

August 26
"Everything I am and hope to be I attribute to the values, upbringing and millions of dollars that I received from my parents." - Eric Ericson, son Delta Airlines founder Donny Ericson