The Fourth Post of Christmas: The Things I Don't Want You Buy For Me From Sky Mall Magazine (Part 1?)

We all know that I've made bad choices in the past. I know that I've bought holiday sweaters for my dog and/or cat. I know that I still have that crystal unicorn collectible in a box in my basement and I hardly every talk to him anymore (I'm sorry Wonderdasher . . . I just need some time to move on . . . ). And please don't bring up my shape-of-a-British-phone-booth CD and tie organizer. No, I still haven't been able to sell it on e-Bay. But it will hold my unfolded clean laundry in my corner quite nicely for now, thank you.

But I'm trying to move on with my life. I need to get off of the SkyMall Magazine wagon. No more. No more. And there is so much you can do to help me. Well, just one thing. I don't need any more useless, gaudy and ridiculously overpriced . . . stuff. To be sure you get the picture, I've made a short list of things that you definitely, definitely, ABSOLUTELY cannot buy me. Well, if you want, you can. Ok, ok, just one! Maybe two.

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Warm Whiskers Neckwrap

Because why just keep your neck warm when you can keep your neck warm with a cute kitty cat! People won't even have to know that you are a week girly-girl who needs a neck warmer because they'll think you just wanted to wear such a cutsey, cute little, kitty-witty cat.

As an added bonus, it hearkens back to the good old days of women wearing dead fur around their necks! Win-win! No, better yet, win-win-win!!

Price: $39.95

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Hogan vs Andre the Giant Photo

Truly, thunder rumbled and the gods themselves did quake that memorable day when for some reason or another SkyMall bravely looked backward into the terrifying, apocalyptic past of professional wrestling and brought forth this mighty tribute to Herculean strength and stretchy, stretchy costumes. Overpriced you say? I say, Hogan vs. Andre: Priceless!!

Price: $190.00

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Skateboard Simulator

I wish I had time in my busy, 9 to 5, work-a-day humdrum existence to add a little spark, a little pop a little, oh I don't know, a rail-mung dropping into a 5-0 grind before ramping up to hit a sick Crookie Monster. You know, just to liven up my day a bit. But who has time for skateboarding and cool skateboarding lingo? I do! Gnar! Hammer! Ender ender! The easiest way to break into the "cool" world of "hip" young skaters who "probably won't amount to much"? The SkyMall Skateboard Simulator! Hop on ride those rails and if you put down enough pads, you probably won't break anything!

Bonus: Every time you look down, you'll be reminded that, thanks to SkyMall, you're "radical"! "Dude"!

Price: $59.95

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Phew! Not asking for stuff is hard work. But keep in mind there are so, so many other things that you should definitely NOT get me for Christmas from SkyMall catalogue. I'll keep you posted.